Loss of Libido

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You know how experts say that if you exercise more you’ll eventually get to the point where you look forward to it? Or, if you eat a lot of healthy foods your taste changes and you start craving them?

Well, the same way of thinking can be applied to sex. Research shows that for those who feel that they have lost that urge due to perimenopause, menopause, and post-menopause, regular sexual activity can actually add fuel to that flame of passion you thought was extinguished.

Psychology Today says that having regular intercourse works to keep your sex drive high by increasing the production of testosterone, the main hormone responsible for libido in both men and women. Basically—the more you do it, the more you want it.

Pun mildly intended.

If you’re skeptical that having more sex can really change your enthusiasm about it, remember that many women tend to feel a peak in desire during the act, rather than before.

It’s part of the reason why women are usually more interested in foreplay than men. Just by being open to the idea of getting intimate, you may find that the fire was just below the surface and simply needed a little warming up.

However, while I can certainly appreciate Psychology Today’s scientific perspective on the matter, they don’t quite divulge how much of a physical challenge it can be for women around the time of menopause. For some currently facing hormonal changes, having more sex is quite literally a lot easier said than done.

Maybe your mind is ready to go in the bedroom, but hormone changes also manifest themselves in physical ways, many of which could have been responsible for you pumping the sexual brakes in the first place.

Emotional changes can make it difficult to feel excited about the idea of being intimate with your partner, but it’s the physical changes that can cause things to come to a screeching halt.

For example, did you know that throughout the stages of perimenopause, menopause, and postmenopause, the vaginal canal and opening can actually narrow? That’s right, according to a study published in The Journal of The North American Menopause Society, lack of blood flow, hormones, and prolonged periods without intimacy can all play a role.

So in addition to everything else we get to look forward to, there may come a time where it can be difficult for your partner to “fit” as he used to. It’s a side effect that won’t be great for us, but in at least in few years your husband could be in for quite the ego boost…

The narrowing of the vaginal canal (known as vaginal atrophy) usually goes hand-in-hand with a thinner vaginal wall. When combined with vaginal dryness—one of the most common symptoms when entering stages of perimenopause—it can lead to increased incidents of tearing, i.e. very painful intercourse.

On the bright side, most cases of vaginal dryness and discomfort associated with vaginal atrophy can be treated easily with the use of sexual lubricants. But for those of us who would blush simply by walking down an isle with those products, again, that’s easier said that done.

Thankfully however, you can get even better items using a trusted online source, preferably with reviews from actual customers. If you use the comments from previous customers on Adam & Eve, you can get insight from other perimenopausal, menopausal, and post-menopausal women on which product worked best for them.

13Take the I-D Glide Lubricant, for example, that one reviewer well into her 60s claimed was a life saver in keeping things “smooth” with her husband after menopause.

The choices can be overwhelming. They can be water-based, silicon-based, and organic, and they all have different benefits. Read the product descriptions carefully before you purchase in order to find one that best suits your needs.

Having used the company personally before, I can also tell you that the packaging is discreet, so there’s no need to worry about any judgmental eyes from your neighbors or the package delivery driver.

When your body is going through some serious changes, you’re forced to give up a lot of things. Sometimes they’re small, like sleeping through the night, and sometimes they’re big, like not being able to have anymore kids. Sometimes it can even feel like you’re losing your grip of reality.

Coming to terms with everything you’re giving up makes the things you can control all the more important, and your sex life is certainly one of them. So don’t be afraid to reach out to your partner, your doctor, or just a handy little sexual aid for help. I promise, you won’t regret it.





Menopause is a Fact of Life, Treatment Options are a Choice

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It doesn’t matter where a woman lives. It doesn’t matter what language she speaks or how she spends her day. Menopause is a fact of her life. Every day, in the U.S. alone 6,000 women begin this mid-life adventure with hot flashes, a sudden mood swings, painful vaginal dryness, night sweats, and restless sleeping patterns. […]

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There is absolutely no pun intended, but, my last post on loss of libido in menopause turned out to be one very “hot” topic. I posted it on my Facebook page and the ladies went wild. Some of them lamented the loss of their libido while others were just “fine and dandy” with not having sex post-menopause. Personally, as I always […]

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I received a comment here recently which gave me pause on this subject. The reader, Katy, had this to say (edited for length) about the loss of libido during menopause: “I am constantly amazed at how much our culture glorifies sex and pathologizes the entirely natural decline in a woman’s libido as she ages. Come on, […]

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February is the month of love, and if our spouses and significant others play their cards right (read: flowers, jewelry, chocolate, and dinner), it can also be the month of great sex – or not, if you’re a woman going through perimenopause. It’s a very distressing fact for many women that when they begin to […]

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35 Symptoms of Perimenopause: Loss of Libido

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As if perimenopause doesn’t cause enough grief, it can also kill your sex drive. It seems awfully cruel too, especially if you’ve enjoyed a healthy and satisfying sex life until then. I remember panicking when I realized that my desire for sex would diminish – or at least, that’s what I was expecting to happen.  […]

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Perimenopause: Yes, it’s Real and No, You’re Not Going Crazy!

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Feel better?  I could have used someone telling me that about 10 years ago when I walked right into one of the fiercest hormonal battles of my life. First of all, I had never heard of peri-anything.  Menopause?  Yeah.  I had heard of that.  My mom called it “the change,” and I knew that sooner […]

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