Grief & Grieving

Children, Menopause & A Mother’s Heart

by Magnolia on January 3, 2015

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This is a reprint of a post I wrote approximately 3 years ago when I was blogging for Estroven during the Sleep Challenge Campaign.  

It was back to school for my newly minted teen daughter this week. After one very busy summer, she packed it in and headed back to the classrooms for her last year of middle school.  It’s hard to believe that my “baby” will soon be a high school student, and yes, I’m going to say it: where did all the years go?

It seems like a just few days ago she was sleeping next to me in my bed, hanging out with me during the evenings, and calling me on my cell phone if I was out of her sight for more than half an hour.  Now we’re all about her friends, make-up, clothes, school activities, and yes, hormones.

She’s always been a level headed little girl who has no time for nonsense; a gifted, straight-A-honor-roll-student, who finds academic pursuits far more interesting than the shenanigans of boys, and the silly girls who chase them.  So it shouldn’t surprise me then, that as she transitions solidly into her teen years that she has become somewhat distant toward me.

It shouldn’t.  But it does.

I imagine a sociologist would find the relationship dynamics between a pubescent adolescent and her menopausal mother quite fascinating.  I find them disconcerting.  Letting go of your children is very much like dying.  You know one day it’s going to happen, but there’s still a part of you that holds out for the possibility that you just might be the one who escapes it.

I think this is why menopause is such a powerful life transition for women. It’s the dress rehearsal for the big kahuna, a very real and present reminder that life has an expiration date, and that there are no do-overs.  I haven’t met a woman yet who isn’t pensive about it all either.  I mean, how can you not be?  Your womb is dying, you’re no longer able to bring new life into this world, and the life that you have brought in, is getting ready to leave you.

My daughter and I have been practicing for her departure for quite a while now.  Although I think I’m far more aware of the separation process than she is, particularly when I’m standing outside her bedroom door knocking for God only knows how many times again that day.  I feel vulnerable and shut out.  And not just by that stupid door.

I know I need to let her go, and I will.  I’ve been doing that since the day she was born.  But it doesn’t mean I have to like it, because I don’t.

Good thing I love cats.


Dear Magnolia……Does Anybody Really Give a Crap?

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Today’s Dear Magnolia post is from Lisa. Lisa is grieving. Yes, she’s also experiencing other symptoms of perimenopause, namely,  anxiety, depression, and other symptoms related to estrogen dominance.  But, she’s also struggling with grief . Grief is the part of perimenopause that no one talks about.  Well, not very much. Grief doesn’t sell, I guess. You can’t […]

August 22, 2014 CONTINUE READING →

I Have a Tendency to Neglect Myself

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Do you? I haven’t written as regularly as I’ve wanted to for quite some time now.  A very long time, truthfully. It is primarily because I have been grieving.  Oh, how I have been grieving – the loss of my father, then my divorce, then the loss of my mother. I know we all face loss […]

June 17, 2014 CONTINUE READING →

2013: Bring it On

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2012 is coming to a close, and like you perhaps, I am reflecting on the past year, and anticipating the next. I love this time of the year because I like new beginnings.  I like having fresh opportunities to start again, to change what needs to be changed, improve what needs to improve, and reach […]

December 17, 2012 CONTINUE READING →

Getting Through Perimenopause: Step by Step

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“You don’t have to see the entire staircase…….just take the first step.”  Martin Luther King, Jr. I ran across this quote not too terribly long ago.  Given that we are recognizing Dr. King’s life today (or yesterday, depending on when you get this post) and his contributions to civil rights in our country, I thought […]

January 16, 2012 CONTINUE READING →

35 Symptoms of Perimenopause: Good Grief

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Okay, technically, grief is not usually mentioned as a symptom of perimenopause. But, it should be. Because, believe it or not, good old fashioned mourning and an overwhelming sense of loss (aka, grief) is something that many women experience when they enter perimenopause. It usually comes out of left field too.  I mean, most of […]

December 11, 2011 CONTINUE READING →

Perimenopause: Yes, it’s Real and No, You’re Not Going Crazy!

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Feel better?  I could have used someone telling me that about 10 years ago when I walked right into one of the fiercest hormonal battles of my life. First of all, I had never heard of peri-anything.  Menopause?  Yeah.  I had heard of that.  My mom called it “the change,” and I knew that sooner […]

March 22, 2008 CONTINUE READING →