Grief & Grieving

I Have a Tendency to Neglect Myself

by Magnolia on June 17, 2014

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Do you?

I haven’t written as regularly as I’ve wanted to for quite some time now.  A very long time, truthfully.

It is primarily because I have been grieving.  Oh, how I have been grieving – the loss of my father, then my divorce, then the loss of my mother.

I know we all face loss in this life.  I also know my sorrow and sadness is no more significant than anyone else’s – than yours even.  But, it’s my sorrow – and my heart is broken.

I have felt so adrift.  Lost. Sad. Depressed. I have struggled with sleep.  I have struggled with the most mundane things: eating, taking a shower, getting dressed, brushing my teeth.  I have struggled with simply putting one foot in front of the other on some days.  Then other days, I feel fine.

And such is grief.

It comes in waves.

When I am stressed or unhappy or feeling pressure of any kind, I tend to neglect myself.  It’s not a good habit, I know.  It makes everything else worse.  Far worse.

Where does one get the idea that not eating is okay? Especially after I do eat – and I’m very health conscious and actually have very good eating habits – I feel so much better.  

And when I MAKE myself put on my walking/running shoes and go out the door to walk, and maybe a little jogging – I feel so much better. 

When I don’t have a glass (or two, or three) of wine right before bed.  In fact, if I don’t drink at all, and get in the bed by 9:00 p.m. I sleep better – and yes, I feel so much better. 

I know a lot of you ladies feel the way I do too.

Maybe you’re not grieving the loss of your marriage and the death of both your parents.  But, if you’re going through perimenopause, then you’re likely grieving.

You’re grieving the loss of your fertility. You’re grieving the loss of life as you once knew it.  You’re grieving the loss of youth, and youthful looks.  Trading it all in for menopause, middle age, and before you know it…….senior citizen status and invisibility.

Perhaps you are neglecting yourself too.  Perhaps you don’t even notice that you’ve gone three weeks without eating right, exercising, or taking a shower.

Don’t ask.

If you are grieving.  If you feel like you just can’t get through another day – maybe you need to do what I did.  Admit that you’re neglecting yourself.

Look, we all do it.

We’re women.  We’re used to eating the crumbs off our toddler’s plate and being the last in line for everything. But if you don’t make up your mind that you’re going to take care of yourself, who’s going to do that for you?

Have you ever thought about that?  Really?  Who?

Yeah, I know how it goes: “But, oh, but Magnolia, you JUST DON”T UNDERSTAND!”

I don’t?

Kick yourself in the butt. And don’t think about the fact that every step toward taking care of yourself is a monumental effort.  Well, okay.  You can think about it.  Just don’t let it stop you.

And here’s a small piece of advice and pearly wisdom that I know is true:  things change.

As long as you get up everyday and keep trying, a new day – though it may seem like the same old day which came before it – brings newness in some way.  And feelings especially change.  They change when your behavior changes.

Hence, why when I make myself go for a walk and/or jog, I actually feel better.

It works.

And remember this too……..perimenopause is a transition.  It is not a life sentence.  So, just as my own grief will pass, your hormonal imbalance will pass and you will feel better too.

Be well my wonderful readers.  I’m hanging in there and I want ya’ll to hang in there too.


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