Perimenopause & Me – A Personal Perspective

I started blogging in 2007.  I’m rapidly coming up on my 3rd anniversary.  Blogging is a natural extension for me I think.  I’m a communicator.  A verbalizer.  I’ve kept journals and diaries my entire life.  So, electronic journaling is a natural progression for someone like me I guess.

By the time I began blogging about perimenopause, I was, for the most part anyway, pretty much done with the worst of it. Looking back, I don’t think I could have blogged about it even if I wanted to. It was too intense, too confusing and too all consuming.

But, I guess it’s like most things.  Once you’ve walked down that path or worn those shoes, it’s easier to talk about it, make sense out of it and help others if need be.

I don’t understand why it has to be so difficult for some women. But it is and it certainly was for me. I’m a very sensitive and feeling person on a good day. My emotions are pretty close to the surface most of the time.

It has served me well in life and it has also been a huge problem at other times.  But, it is who I am and at 53, well, chances are I won’t be changing that aspect of my personality any time soon.

Maybe because I am such an emotional person that is why perimenopause kicked my ass as hard as it did. That’s the only explanation I can think of.

One thing I think I can say about perimenopause is that it tends to highlight or magnify what is already there.

So, if you’ve been a person who has struggled with emotions in your years prior to perimenopause, chances are you will be emotional taken to an entirely new level. Not a healthy one either, I’m afraid.

I’ve read some interesting articles on the change of menopause. It’s been fascinating.  Particularly when I take stock of my own life during this time and the types of changes that have been occurring in me. You can’t reach the age of 50, go through perimenopause and not come out of it a new person.  It’s transformative.

I can see how these years can become years of creativity, productivity and real living. Much more so than the first 50 when you are essentially still finding your way.

I know Hollywood likes to talk about turning 40 and being “comfortable in your own skin” (I cannot tell you how much I hate that phrase). But, at 53, looking back just a mere 13 years, I can say that 40 is still pretty young and naive. At least, it was for me.

At 40 I was still coloring my hair and hiding behind make-up (I’m not against make-up, so just follow me here).  I was still, in some ways, anyway, living for other people.

I was certainly living for two children who were 6 and 4 years old at the time.  I still cared, even if it was a little bit, what others thought of who I was and I wanted to change to please them.

I can honestly say, I have no desire to do that anymore. I am free of the prison of wanting others to validate who I am.

My blog posts have slowed down considerably here in the past few months. Mostly due to the fact that I’ve been evaluating a few things. Asking questions, ruminating and cleaning my emotional house, so to speak.

I love blogging though and will be doing this for many, many years, I think.  Unless of course I get that book deal and I have to go cloister myself away in a cabin on a lake and write the next great American novel. You all can say you knew me when.

Perimenopause is a game-changer. That’s what I’ve learned. So, if like me, you’re almost through with this passage and you think you might be a different person. You probably are.  I know I am.